24 January 2010

We're back in business...

Ah, Liverpool FC. The club is a lot of things to a lot of people around the world. But to me, especially in more recent times, it's sort of like a cheap and classic 80's Hindi flick. The type that gets re-runs on Malaysian TV on lazy Sunday afternoons, back then.

Now, before you go on and lynch me for saying such a blasphemous thing against the beloved Liverpool FC, give me a chance to explain. You see, in these movies, there's always a hero. The proper hero type. Not this sort of reluctant, fancy shmansy anti-hero types you find in Hollywood movies these days. Like I said, proper hero.

I mean he'd have a 'tache to rival Tom Selleck (circa Magnum PI) and would be built like a tank. Oh, and he'd have the innocence of Forrest Gump coupled with a voice like Engelbert Humperdinck (naturally, all the mak ciks love him). Now, hero of course has sexual needs. So, he goes out and looks for a girl. Unfortunately, the girl he likes is always either:

1. Daughter of the village baddie who drives an old Merc and thinks he's the bee's knees
2. On the verge of getting engaged to a big-time, town baddie who her uncle and auntie (she's an orphan you see) think is some sort of plant manager for the local Bajaj Chetak assembly line

3. From a rival family/clan/tribe/neighbourhood that absolutely loathes hero and his family/clan/tribe/neighbourhood.

Basically, hero has his work cut out for him to get the girl (and some lovin'). In the process, he helps girl's daddy/uncle/auntie/family when they get into trouble with some of the main baddie's minions. In revenge (and with some red-eyed close-ups along with shaky camera work), big baddie enters the fray and brings with him 20 bouncer-sized minions.

Hero, strong as he may be, doesn't stand a chance and gets beaten to a pulp-all in glorious slow motion. And then, just as you think it's all over, the background music changes and the hero turns into the Incredible Hulk. Bouncer-minions fly all over the screen while big baddie makes a cowardly getaway (crashing into some fruit stalls in the process).

Hero is united with girl. Cue music, meaningless rolling on grassy hills and hiding behind palm trees in the rain. Total bliss!

Yes, if you haven't noticed, Liverpool FC adheres to the same Hindi movie script. We just love doing it the hard way. None of this nonsense of making it easy on ourselves. Let's get beaten to a pulp first. It's only fair you know. It's only being fair to the rest of those smaller clubs. Oh, and while we're at it, let's try slumming it this year with those lower beings in the Europa League.

Fortunately, very much like Hindi hero (and Ultraman Taro), Liverpool FC can also turn into this magnificent Red beast when the chips are well down, obliterating the opposition to dust. The transforming agent?

The fans. Fans of of no other club have such a symbiotic relationship with their club particularly, the players and the manager. If you're looking for a moment to rival that of at the Ataturk nearly 5 years ago, the one below would rank a close second. No. Joint-first.

Well done lads. YNWA.

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